My Journey. Becoming a Channel.

Now, at the age of 41, I can look back and say I’ve been psychic my whole life.  Yet, most of my life I didn’t understand it.  I didn’t know how to use it.  And for many years, I dismissed it.  I had da ja vue’s, knowings, whispers and quick visions that helped me in some way.  As I got older though, I reached a point in my life though where nothing made sense.  I needed help and wished for more clarity about my life.  I thought a new job, a friend, a winning lottery ticket, another psychic… well just about anything would point me in the right direction.  Stressed out, overwhelmed and edgy, I walked away from a career and my home.  At the time, in my exhaustion, I still clung to a thin positive thread.  A hope.  I prayed that thread would not break.

A new beginning I thought.  I’d have no idea what would happen.  I thought I just needed a break.  I did.  I needed sleep and a lot of it.  As a busy single career mother, I hadn’t slept in over a decade.  I needed a slower place so I did slow down.  It did take a while to unwind since the Universe had sent me a few powerful punches.  Yet, I still found the world rushing around me and that life was often cruel.  I wished others would be nice… to me.  I’d been nice to others in my life so, why?  I didn’t realize at the time was, I just needed to be nicer to myself.

So I retreated even more.  I had dozens of questions.  Who was I?  What was my purpose?  Why did the events in my life happen?  Why did I have relationships with people who ended up not understanding me and often hurting me? Deeply hurting me.  And seriously, is this as good as life gets?  So I started to write.  I was not a writer but I found it was a way to document my survivor skills… lol.  Then I realized it was a way to have a conversation with myself.  While my friends had helped answer some of my questions, I needed a safe way to bare my soul.  My deepest sorrows, fears and confusion.  No criticism… judgment… or opinion from others.  I could also answer my questions at my own pace.  And trust me, the answers come in their own time – sometimes in minutes, sometimes years later.  Patience is important.

I had to be honest with myself.  This alone takes courage.  Denial is much easier.  Once I got all the words out, I realized a huge weight had been lifted.  Unbeknownst to me, I’d been carrying a negative vibration (my wounds) for decades.  Now it was time to look at it all.  A few lessons were becoming obvious.  Now, I had even more questions yet, I didn’t get frustrated.  It was a process and for some reason I had no fear.  If someone would have told me how long it would take, I probably wouldn’t have tried.  Be patient with yourself.  I realized I had a lot of unlearning to do… or reprocessing – the ways I’d lived my life.  Ways that had been handed down or to me.  I did the best I could but now I needed to question everything and find my truth.  It was time to… wake up.

I read self-help books, I watched spiritual YouTube’s and sought out metaphysical people and events.  I wasn’t sure I was making any progress, but I was.  The weeks and months went by quickly.  I made time to meditate, go on walks in nature and I even tried yoga.  I looked for my signs (yes, they were often small) and loved the serendipity moments.  I allowed myself time to ponder, greave and heal.  I started to appreciate even more of the simple things in life.  The things we all take for granted.  I got comfortable with silence and being in my own skin.  Please re-read that last sentence because this was a huge milestone in itself.  I was no longer running away from myself.

One day, out of the blue as I walked along the shoreline of the Outer Banks, I could feel an energy in me.  Then I could feel an energy around me.  And then, like the quiet whispers I’d heard before, words were rolling into my head.  What made this different was, the words continued.  Sentences became paragraphs and paragraphs became pages.  That day was over a year ago and I haven’t been the same since.  It’s not that I learned how to channel.  I’d read a book several years before on how to and it did nothing for me.  It was about being in a moment were I was so humble and open and I allowed myself to remember that I had access to an energy much greater than I.

The words of wisdom that have been shared with me are hard to explain.  The easiest word to use is, truth.  The feelings and energy that runs through my body when I channel are also indescribable.  I can say, bliss.  I do know that if more people were open to this, this world would be much different.  I grew up praying but for me channeling is much different from praying.  In prayer, I often cried out but I never waited and listened for the answer.

Friends have asked me, what does it feel like? How do you know? How can I do it? It would take me pages and pages to explain.  I could talk about it for hours.  All I can do is share my perspective – a way that has worked for me.  It may… or may not work for another.  Each of us have our own truth and journey.

What I now know is, a lot was going in inside of me before the flood gates of channeling opened.  I was working on raising my energy… for months, maybe years.  So I was getting messages but they were short and easy to dismiss.  When they came in they were not my tone or normal thought process.  At times, they were literally just a word.

When you channel, you become a vessel.  The Universe does wish to speak with you.  I learned that you need to take time to make sure you are ready.  Is your vessel sea worthy?  Are you ready for this maiden voyage?  And… many voyages after that.  This would include being rested and nourished.  Taking care of yourself and placing yourself in an environment that feels safe.  That is why I believe the Universe picked the beach for me.  I’ve always felt free and safe at the beach.

For me, I needed a “season” (yes, I use this word loosely) of, getting the crap out.  Negative thoughts, fears, anger, sadness, guilt, wished I would have, etc.  I wanted to feel alive and I wasn’t going to stuff anything down anymore.  Some of these emotions, I expressed.  I do need to say though, at times, it surprised others who knew me as the positive one or the one who always tried to be nice and please others.  Other thoughts I needed to privately write about.  No one would have understood my thoughts since I didn’t even understand them.  I also found that I often had headaches and other weird body sensations and symptoms yet I knew that I wasn’t ill.  I believe my chakras were cleaning house.  I had many blocks and several energy leaks.

I also needed to slow down… even more.  I used to multi-task and believe it was a good thing.  Each day I had a list and felt productive when it was all done.  In reality, it only added stress.  And when you are that busy, you don’t have time to listen.  I had to shorten my list by asking myself what is really important today.  I learned not to overschedule or cram my day with tasks.  As a former long distance power walker, I also had to learn to walk slower and really enjoy the rhythm of life.  I do believe a lower heart rate is key.  I learn to ground myself to the earth, in me and around and above me.

Being humble is another key.  Yet, I do want to stress humble is not anywhere near a victim vibration.  This spiritual journey has been a self-discovery about my self-worth.  Not ego or the other extreme, self-criticism.  You do not need to be perfect.  You just need to be, you.  The Universe loves and accepts you just as you are in this moment.

Something has to open you.  But in order to allow something in, you must realize you are not in control.  You do have free will and the Universe does wish for you to co-create with it.  Yet, you must surrender to the grander… divine plan.  I grew up fighting for everything I had.  Now I had to learn to surrender and that it wasn’t a bad thing.  Actually, it was for my own best interest.  I also grew up looking to external people and things to help me feel whole and complete.  Only you can make yourself whole and complete.  A self-discovery journey to knowing yourself… wholeness… unity.

I also had to learn to channel messages through my heart, not my mind.  My mind is strong and a gift and I had to learn how to use it differently.  I recommend that you get out of your mind.  The answers aren’t there.  For me, music is a great way to get neutral and open.  Find a song that moves you into this place.  The car is also another great place for me.  I am in my own energy and allow the hum of the road to reset me.  Find a country road.

You also have to be willing to receive.  If you’ve been a giver most of your life, you need to start practicing receiving.  It starts small.  If someone gives you something, even if you don’t want it, just try receiving it.  If someone pays you a compliment, pause and feel the vibration.  Don’t dismiss it… feel it.

It has to flow through you.  You’re a vessel.  I often can’t remember the messages so I keep a small notepad to take notes.  At times, you’ll have a block but I’ve found that the Universe will assist you in realizing… clearing and healing.  The Universe will also come to you in your darkest moment.  Some refer to it as, the dark night of the soul.  While I don’t wish it on anyone (it’s scary and you do feel alone), I also know the power this moment has.  Let this be your knight… and shining armor in disguise.  The Universe wants you to embrace your dark thoughts and moments because when you do this, you release fear, learn something about yourself and place more positive energy in your body.  The ying-yang… the duality.

I discovered my purpose was to be love and to evolve.  This sounds simple, right?  Ha!  This spiritual journey has not always been easy for me but it has infused me with a wisdom…. compassion and love that I’ve yet to feel here on earth.  Amazing… would be an understatement.  A miracle, yes.  Now that I’ve felt it, it is my job to be it.

So I pause.  How do I title this writing?  How to get into the (spiritual) zone…  How to channel… ?  That doesn’t seem like a fair way to describe it.  Maybe it’s more, how to love yourself.  And if you’re not use to doing this, it will take some practice.  There is no secret way to getting in… it’s a gift and anyone can receive it.  Give yourself this gift.  This is what you have been looking for…. a unity and comfort like no other you have felt.  Allow these words to open you.  Believe.  Send your heart, love.  That’s where it all starts.

A few years ago, I asked for my spirit guide to come to me.  The only vision I saw was the Fairy Godmother from, The Wizard of Oz.  She gave me one sentence and was then gone.  Now, I don’t even remember what she said.  I was too busy thinking I should just dismiss the vision and give up on my hope to speak with my real spirit guide.  The truth is, I’ve found is there are so many energies out there and often they are nameless.  One of the most powerful energies is your higher self.  All of them offer a perspective and many will return to add a deeper meaning to a message… when you are ready.  I believe in two simple words.  Love and light.  Love is what I wish to feel and be.  Light is my truth, warmth, a way to see what I need to see.  Root yourself in your own mantra that you believe in.

Be fully present in this moment.  The Universe knows your questions… your heart’s desires.  Do what makes you happy… brings you joy.  In a humble moment, often when you least expect it, it will find a way to speak to you.  You just need that first acknowledgment.  The cord was never severed and it will grow as you use it.  My thin thread (of hope) is now a thick rope.  Your life will never be the same.  Trust… don’t rush the process… enjoy each moment on your journey.