A Spiritual Chasm

Yes, I will jump and… I will succeed!

I’ve been on a spiritual journey for several years now.  I did have an, awakening. 

First it was brought to me in my reality.  In physical form.  A defining event in my life.  It was a clear sign and I did stop fighting and made changes to the best of my ability.  At the time, I really couldn’t see the spiritual part of it.  In looking back, I can say that I was warned (my life was off track) but I’m stubborn.  Then, a few months later, a defining psychic event happened.  It was so powerful and lasted for hours.  I’d had psychic moments in my life but this was completely different.  I was at home cleaning and out of nowhere, I was told and shown things I’d never had known… guessed… or dreamed of.  The energy that ran through my body was so intense.  I was glad I was in the privacy of my home when it happened.  I went straight to Google and searched and searched.  What was happening to me?  Was I crazy?  I did think so for some time.

After that day, I did strive to incorporate more of the spiritual world into my life.  And because I was open and listened, the Universe found easier ways to get me to see my lessons. I did reach out often though.  There are moments that most others can’t understand and one needs to find their kind.

So I grew and changed.  Slowly.  Yet at times when I looked back, I could see the big change that was happening.  My journey has had lulls, dark closets, swamps and walls.  I could describe each with much detail.  It has not always been fun.  I’ve also had moments of such clarity, joy and bliss.  At times, the words are hard to find to describe the purity and beauty of these moments.  I’m a firm believer that a spiritual awakening in an ongoing process.  You do choice every day to, “wake up.”  Some days feel the same… but they are not.  You can choice to stop and fall back asleep but for me, I just couldn’t.  My soul won’t let me.

So I write about this because I feel another change happening.  This one feels bigger.  I can feel the intensity and I remind myself to ground myself verses running and screaming like a crazy person.  I see myself screaming yet I really have no reason to.  The scream I believe is to wake up, again.  Even more.  I guess this is spiritual awakening, round two. Ding, ding.

I see all the good memories of my life flash before my eyes.  Many.  I am lucky.  Then, I can see even more moments… moments I haven’t even had… yet I know I will.  I feel them.  I then feel the scream even louder.  Is it from my soul?  Is this a cry for help?  It deafening yet I don’t hear it.  I know its tone, its pitch, ah, maybe its vibration since it doesn’t hurt my ears.  I feel as if my body is about to split wide open.  Am I birthing myself?  I am releasing a form that is no longer me?  Does it require such intensity?  Maybe, since I’m still, at times, a bit stubborn.  The only words that I can come to is, this feels like a primal awakening.

It’s a moment where you want it all.  Insatiable would be an understatement.  You wish to feel… everything.  You want to eat, drink, play, laugh, make love.  You want music and you want to hear it.  Turn it up.  You want to sing.  You want to feel it all…and now!  All of the b.s. in life can wait.  It’s a craving like I’ve never felt.  A thirst… a passion… a desire.  The only thing I can compare it to is a junkie who needs their next fix.  I need it.  I need to be this uncontrollable… this unstoppable.  This alive.  So yes, this is coming from my soul.  This was the reason I choose to be born.  This is just a reminder.

On my journey, I’ve had these moments.  A large pulse of energy that took me on a ride.  At times, it was just for a minute and on occasion for a few hours.  I guess the difference now is, I’m different.  I’m stronger than I’ve been in the past and this energy is Matrix like.  I remind myself I never went crazy before.  The reminder is nice and for the most part, I remain calm and rational, lol.  Yet… a new part of me has awoken.  I am not the same.

My mind doesn’t know what this is all about but I felt it all.  I received.  So I hang on and stay tuned.  I know it’s going to be great.  The Universe is just tuning me up to the right frequency.  For that, I’m externally grateful.