I was going back through some of my private writing from over a year ago. I found this and thought I’d share. In some ways, I feel my journey is unique but then again each person’s should be. Yet, in sharing it’s nice to find those common threads that hold us all together. Awakening can be lonely and scary at times. It doesn’t have to be – find your kind!
I seem to decide to take a crash and intense course in the awakening process a few years ago. Before that, I can now see I was slowly awakening (and in stage one) for over 15 years. And while I write about this process in stages, I also know awakening is and will be for the rest of my life. Like, BA (not standing for Bad Attitude, lol) Before Awakening and AA, After Awakening. So this is what I wrote:
I think of the spiritual awakening process in four stages. There is the curious-disgusted stage, the cocoon stage, the crawling out stage and then the flying stage. In the first stage, your fall somewhere between curious of life and disgusted with (your) life. Let me explain because the emotions between that dash can range, but the inner feeling, however how small or large is the same. It could be described as an ache, a longing or an inner fire that you do not understand. Maybe you are happy and life is good yet you are curious. Something is nagging at you and you can’t place your finger on it. Or maybe you are having a gray “moment.” A blasé mood or lifestyle yet something or someone reminds you to hope and strive for better. You have a choice in this moment. To stay the same, which is really to stay asleep, or become a volunteer (to yourself) and start reaching out, reaching up and seeking. You know to do… something. You know there is more to this thing called life.
For those on the end of the dash, you are fed up, burned out, overwhelmed, tired, confused, over it and edgy. Everything seems wrong and you wonder how you got to this place. You might not even realize you are swimming in a pool of negativity. You can remember who you were at some point, yet now, have no idea who you are. The denial factor is thick since it’s been protecting you for quite a while. Nothing, nor no one, makes sense anymore. You just know that something needs to change. You probably want big change and NOW!
Often something happens that pushed you into the cocoon phase. Brave are the volunteers. Usually the Universe sends a little shove and life… happens. A not so good event that seems longer than a moment. A home break-in, a divorce, an illness or death, a job loss or a mid-life crisis are just a few of the possibilities. At first, it seems like the worst thing that could happen, but trust me, in time, it can be the best. It’s a wakeup call.
The cocoon phase can be like solitary confinement. You have a choice, every day, to stay in it. It’s hard work and can be a dark and scary place since you are changing your DNA. I personally had to move away to do it. This was my choice. It’s not the only way nor the right way for another. I choice little to no distractions. I’d lived a very external life and now it was time to pull internal. So it helped that no one knew me or had an expectation or standard to hold me to. I needed silence since I’d had a life of non-stop demands and noise. I needed to figure out… a lot. I do need to say I was still a mother and I still lived. I was also often a mess. I gave myself permission to be and do and feel and express what I needed to. I’d been holding it back and in… and together for too long. I’d also been running from myself for too long.
What I found was, I came out of one cocoon (thinking I was ready to return to life) to go right into another. I was lucky to have this pause in life. While I lived very modestly, honestly I had everything I needed. I wish I could tell you that a long weekend getaway or a week spiritual retreat would do it. For me it took months, many “seasons”. I read books. I watched You Tubes. I journaled. I meditated. I spent time in nature. I reached out to other like-minded people. I soul searched and then searched some more.
The time will come and when you crawl out, you are different. Better in many ways but still very sensitive. It won’t take much for you to go back to old ways or get upset. Know that your angels are with you and go slow. Rest and remember what you learned while in the cocoon. This is just a phase. You might be tested. At times, I wished I’d been better warned about the tests. These are not steps back, just pauses. You are rooting yourself in a new foundation. You are practicing. You’ll learn to stand and walk and… run. That run will lead to flight when you are truly ready. This part can’t be rushed or faked. You’ll know when you are ready. Patience is an important gift to give yourself until you have a naturally consistent momentum and stride. You might not fully realize the changes you made were and are huge.
The flying stage is awesome. You often feel the new energy in you. It will support you each day and carry you far. You will soar. You experience life again.
So I think I’ll have to write another article titled Before Awakening vs. After Awakening to let you how my awakening has changed me. Well, then again maybe that’s why I blog. I’m sure some of my other post would give you an idea. In many ways, everything is different yet… some things are the same. Life is good. I am grateful. I am blessed and… so are you! Enjoy these stages… these season.
Thank you for reading and feel free to comment as well.