Years ago, when I first heard of being a spiritual person, my mind could conjure images of one who decided to take a vision quest of sorts, or a hippie-like relaxed state of mind and being or a wise guru who sat in a meditative pose. I always saw it as being quiet and peaceful. Well, let me tell you, there is another side. It’s not just the anger aspect, at times its rage. So I wanted to title this post, Rage and the Spiritual Journey – Getting REAL! But I wondered if people would dismiss it. Often there is a lesson in what you dis – miss.
I’ve been on my journey for years now and was starting to wonder if I was just playing Monopoly. I was back at, Start yet I wasn’t sure I was collecting $200. I’d learned quite a bit as I went around the board. Some big rolls and jumping ahead that left me with a smile on my face and some time in, jail. The mind jail that I did let myself out of.
I am a positive, calm, patient, happy and loving person. Most of the life I experience feels really good and beauty surrounds me. I am grateful. Negative reactions and moods do come and I stay with them till they serve me. I allow the emotion. I don’t stuff it down which was the old me who weighed 90 pounds more. Fortunately, I can now discern and clear most negative emotions in seconds but on occasion it does take hours or days. Yikes. But I know it is not me, it’s just my teacher.
So recently I hit a few bumps just when I thought it was all coming together. I do know that it is all coming together but I didn’t see this twist. So I planned to do what I always do. Pause and re-evaluate and pull in for my answers. I’d make the adjustments that I needed to make. The answer came quickly yet just stirred up more. A lot more. I was ready to throw my hands up, the towel in and say, I give up! I do believe many get to this place. In my vulnerable state, I saw this YouTube titled, My dad’s story. Please, if you have three minutes, watch it now and then continue reading. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bdm4NBYxII
It seemed to really hit a cord in me. I was, done. I was done… lying to myself. I’d been as real as I could be with myself in my search for my authentic self but, I’d lived so many decades out of alignment. I still had some realizations I needed to make. So once I announced this (new challenge to the Universe), something happened.
I felt a volcano… in me. A plate had shifted and a volcano had awoken. You are awakening in the spiritual awakening process. A lot was now stirring and rumbling. I was no longer dormant, I was alive and flowing! At first, it was just one small flare that shot out. Then there were several more eruptions over 48 hours. There was also deep sadness. Gheez, how many dark nights of the soul does one need to have? The spiritual journey is a non-stop process of purification. There is no sense in holding yourself to a standard or an amount of time that you’ll get it done in. It will take many, many lives. I liked this picture and see if you can find your own story and symbolism in it.
So I could feel myself spiraling and I knew this was not me. It feels like a three-year old temper tantrum. It also feels like a teen-age rebellion moment. It feels crazy and out of control. I then wondered if anyone has been honest enough to write about this side. The very scary extreme to what people think spirituality will bring into your life. I mean no sane person would agree to this.
I wondered why, now, to such a degree? And why, rage? This is not my nature. Was I just strong enough to work through this? I do think so. I actually had several things to be in rage about and when you get this honest with yourself, you will know your own reasons.
What I found was, once I started to write about it, I started to calm down. This is an important step – how you release the emotion. Find a healthy and productive way. But more importantly, just release it. It can be messy and not ideal so then just decide to do it with a bit more grace the next round. You are practicing and learning as you go. It does feel like a test for all. All can learn from this process. People who knew me well were seeing a very different side to me. You will be tempted to, behave. Behave as you need to. It had to come out and I was teaching others to be, real. Moments like these though can potentially have costly and dangerous end results. Don’t let it go there. Ask for space or support and be supportive of those when they are releasing.
Do scream therapy if you need to. Find a book or YouTube or something that reminds you of why you choose to stay on this journey. Reach out to a friend. You are not alone. You might ask yourself, what is wrong with me? Let me tell you, nothing! You are a human being, having a human experience. Emotions are part of the human experience. So… feel them. Also remember your greatness – your soul. You are blowing out some chakra’s that have been trying to get your attention. Know that in this state, you can’t think of solutions. There is, though, a solution. You’ll get to this later when you are the newer, you.
I’ve experienced in my own journey that each release brought gifts.
♥ Sadness/grief was replaced by JOY.
♥ Confusion was replaced by CLARITY.
♥ Fear was replaced by KNOWING/COMFORT/CONFIDENCE.
♥ Guilt was replaced by FREEDOM.
♥ Darkness was replaced by LIGHT.
♥ Dislike/hate was replaced by LOVE!
You just have to get to the other side of the negative emotion. You have to decide that you no longer wish to carry this in your DNA. The pressure of the negative emotion though is so uncomfortable as another layer is shed.
You not only feel it, you are it to transform it. You, in this moment, are an alchemist.
So as I was writing this, the TV was on in the background. This 60 second Dodge Ram commercial caught my attention (yes, please pause and watch to remember who you are): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbHGYYD5MFM
It was my messenger. I am not this rage.
♥ Anger/Rage was replaced by PEACE. What I thought spirituality was, it really is.
I knew I was wasting time, raging… being angry… and being upset but I still felt a bit in me. Life often happen to me in three’s. Writing, a commercial and then a friend reached out to me as all of this was spinning around. I did feel I was on the verge of another explosion. I honestly wouldn’t have called her since I was still too deep in the emotion yet she must have known. She is my spiritual sister, so wise and knew just what to say. She mentioned one must experience every emotion in their evolution and alignment. Oh. I now felt a bit more normal. It was okay to feel… rage. It was probably the emotion that I feared the most and thought was the least of me. This was as real as any realization could get. A realization is a real life moment that pushes you to the next level of your evolution. Rage, to me, is uncontrollable and the irony is… so is spirituality. Interesting.
I thought on this a bit more. I noted other emotions and situations that the spiritual journey will also have you discern on: Disgust, Cruelty, Remorse, Shame, Pity, Being a victim, Envy/Jealousy, Trust, Anticipation, Surprise, Kindness and Friendship, just to name a few. All worthy of capital letters. See… it will never end. There is so much to learn. So allow the emotions. Allow the Universe to bring to your attention what you need to release, learn, heal and ways that you can change and grow. Don’t fight or allow the emotions to win. You are stronger and wiser. You are courage. You are Love and Light! The emotional release will last just a “moment” but the new you will last for lifetimes. Be courage… and thank you for reading.