YES! These two words go together. Yet, you’d think they wouldn’t. Many have experienced and written on, The Dark Night of the Soul. For some it can be darker than they ever imagined and that darkness can linger or sneak back up on them. When I read other articles, they never said anything about suicidal thoughts.
Please know I feel passionate about this because… I lived through it (additional articles are sighted below). A lightworker might have what the Universe relayed to me as a suicide gene in their body. I googled to discover there is such a thing that has more recently been acknowledged by our scientific community. From a metaphysical standpoint, I look at it as cellular memory that hasn’t been cleared, yet. We came here to awaken, remember, clear and allow our DNA to change/expand.
So I asked the Universe, how does one clear this gene? I didn’t hear an answer. Frustrating yet, I felt it would clear on its own, in due time. This is a journey of self-love and healing. It’s a process. Honestly though I wasn’t content due to the gravity of the situation. So if you or someone you know/love has thoughts of suicide, please do take this serious and get help, now. Reach out. No one should feel this way; it sucks and it’s not you (but one might not understand this). Lightworkers do hold a certain remembrance and at times there is this longing to go, home. Then when you add some Earthly challenges, it can feel like it’s too much. Please know that a bad day/week/year/decade doesn’t equal a bad life. Things can and do change and, they can change significantly.
A few weeks later, I received a short message and felt it tied into this topic. Often when I receive a message I am held in the energy so even short messages are profound. So writing/reading is easy and… easy to forget or for it not to deeply resonate. Imagine a loving partner/friend/family member/role mode/angel telling you…
“You came here to liberate, you. Have you succeeded? Or are you still trying to liberate others? Can you decide to stay for, you? Not for what you will do (for others)? For your joy. If you don’t love yourself enough to stay for your joy, then there’s no reason to.” Now, I know. If one is having such thoughts, joy is the last thing on their mind (wanting to just be out of pain). You will rediscover joy again. Please know and trust. This is a step/phase and not the end of your experience/story here.
As lightworkers we feel driven to serve and help others. We just want to love others and this planet and can get pretty focused. Honestly though, we don’t always take as good of care of ourselves. We aren’t always as loving, gentle and supportive yet, we have to. We think and feel driven that our mission is external. First, it has to be internal. We often forget this lesson/step. We can also forget to ask ourselves, are we having fun? If you happened to find this article, you found it for a reason and I am honored you’ve read this far.
If you’re in a dark period, know that it’s serving a purpose. Please though, don’t stay stuck. Also know that this moment has already happened and you’ve already overcome and succeeded. The struggle is in the past. You can let go of it, even though you might not understand that in this moment. Two things I know. The pain will stop. While it might feel all encompassing now, it’s not. And, it’s not your time to go, Home. You’re here for a reason! You’re experiencing this for a reason. I know that you will get through this. I need you. You need you. Others that you haven’t even meet yet need you. Somewhere in you, you know this. So breathe. Right now if it’s tough, your job is to, b-r-e-a-t-h-e. Allow the breathe of life to guide you.
So here is a simple visual that may assist in starting to change the vibration. Let go of despair. Just like taking out the trash. Drop it, toss it, throw it, slam dunk it. Be done with it. Then, reach up and hold on to your halo. Feel the warmth and light. Then feel your wings. The comfort, love, support. Rest if you need to. Rest in the arms of the beloved. Cry if you need to. Scream. Release. Spend time in nature and go slow. Reach out to a friend. Make a new friend. Go to the doctor if you need to -please- God made doctors for a reason.
And… please look around the website and see if any other articles might help in your journey. I write about a variety of topics but all with a spiritual perspective. I’ll mention these two related articles, too:
Thoughts of suicide or past/parallel life clearing?? and… I’m ALIVE!
Thanks for reading and I love you. ❤
A few years ago a glib talking psychic medium told me that I was a lightworker, and even now I am thinking “what a crock”. I have been interested in spiritual subjects since an early age but now, approaching 50, I feel like throwing in the towel. I work all day amongst a team of very ignorant, materially obsessed people and it is slowly driving me insane. Is this really what we sign up for?
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well… maybe it is all a bunch of bologna. 😉 I hope you signed up for finding and doing what you love and brings you joy – small steps, every day. Thanks for connecting, hug and blessings. ❤
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Tried for whole year to help someone i fell in love with, to understand how love hesls. She was so full of anger. Afterthr year, ivwanted tovtake mu own life. She had broken me. I used everytjin i knew to help me, yet i was her punching bag. I wanted to fie sooo baf…i took chances…but i wondered if a worker couldtake their own life, bc i felt the SPIRITS making miracles happen to eave my life…almost, as if i couldntbpass. Im curious of this. Audrey
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Hi Audrey… thanks for sharing/connecting. ❤ Curious is good… and miracles do happen! We are also here for a reason, many of these experiences we do live though and oh so much wiser and stronger we become.
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We must never give up. xo Hard af sometimes loll But we can do this 😉
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❤
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I see you mention that a bad decade doesn’t make a bad life… What if there’s several bad decades? Or mostly bad decades? Or even ALL bad decades?
When can someone “legally” say they’ve had enough?
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Oh Fanny! I am just starting to read your bog. WOW!! Can I say that you are amazing and an inspiration, holy moly!! Abraham/Ester Hicks did have a big part in my journey years ago. Learning, practicing, healing… and then finding my own ways/truth. Thank you for commenting/connecting. ❤ ((HUG))
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Thank you 🙂
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Pingback: Lightworkers & Suicide, Part II | 2020 Spiritual Vision
. Sometimes it is hard to find community, and support outside of “hold on , it will get better.” When the universe answers your call with questions… well it helps. So, Thank you for sharing your message.
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Amanda- thanks for your comment. Finding tribe/”family” has been an important part of a new way and life. Yet at times even “spiritual”/kind people don’t understand. And at some point we get tired of holding on! I’ve had to make many small and some, what seemed like brave changes. Thank you for your kind words and (private) message available on fb if you’d like to chat more. HUG!!
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I agree, very few people understand, even people who have attempted suicide in the past. You always hear about the miraculous recovery afterwards, not those who struggle with it their whole life.
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Yet here we seem to be giving it an outlet/voice/acknowledgment and while that might seem small/simple, I feel honored that it’s a start. Thank you for your gift of understanding and words! ❤ HUG!!
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I’m not gonna make it. I can’t stand being in this life. But your kind words are the only I’ve found.
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And I wish I knew what to say/do (to ease it, like right now)… because it’s a tough space to be in. Being here and now on Earth is HARD! It seems to be a step for many. And your kind words, too!! Thank you. Email at spiritual2020vision@hotmail.com if you feel like it/anytime and I’ll respond as soon as I can (or fb message – http://www.facebook.com/2020spiritualvision ). Holding space. Please stay! ❤
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What if your entire life HAS been bad?
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I start to type… yet pause. What an honest and important question. YOU matter and are love/loved.
I can say/remind of your future and how amazed you might be at what can/will turn around.
If you wish you can private message me here: https://www.facebook.com/2020spiritualvision/ or I can also send an email. ❤
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Yep I found it for a reason, very strange! Tears :*
I need to digest as to why I found it, and then read again….
💞
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Oh Annette! Yikes. I AM holding you!! Massive love. And depending on why you found it… I might have another post (later and doesn’t matter now). I LOVE YOU!!
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Oh Thank You!
Just feeling SUPER INTENSE AND OVERWHELMED, MAYBE ITS THE PULL OF THE SUPER MOON COMING ON and FEELING THE COLLECTIVE, I REALLY DON’T KNOW, BUT SURELY THIS TOO SHALL PASS!
Thank you SO much for holding me in your LIGHT AND LOVE!
Much, much Love my friend 💖
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Thank you soooo much for writing this. There have been so many times over the past probably dozen years that life has felt just too hard. And especially knowing that death is merely a transition, it has been a longing to go home and not have to deal with things here in a human body. Fortunately, as I’ve healed things here and there, those dark times are becoming shorter and more easy to walk through, rather than become mired down by them. Off to read your last link in the post.
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OMG… thank YOU! Some of my posts might be TMI… birth in great pain/transitions. I never knew it could be so hard. Like is this what a spiritual journey will do for you? Now I can laugh. EVERY experience has been worth it. I used to sob in meditation feeling “home” yet now I am so happy to be HOME, right here and now. It does, just like you wrote, get easier. ❤ ❤ ❤
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It’s been interesting, to try to figure myself out, with regards to feeling so down and demolished at times. I believe that because my mother was bipolar, there has to be some genetic component to my feeling depressed. It expresses itself the same way it did for my mom- although she’d never talk about how she felt until much later in life when I asked her very specifically. And I also know that these episodes for me are very much influenced by my hormones and thyroid, and lately I’m suspecting, also by what I eat. I notice a definite correlation to my mood and weather as well. And living near Seattle is probably the worst weather I could pop myself into, next to Juneau, AK. It would be interesting to delve into suicide and thoughts of it, during a hypnosis session. I know from people reading me that I have ended some other recent lives this way. I’ve never gotten to the point in meditation of feeling “home.” Yet, I’ve had a few incredible experiences of experiencing the energy of God- not on my own. I’m thinking these are one in the same.
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BTW, my mother ultimately did end her life. She was 81, had been in months of severe depression after the death of my father, and was also experiencing the beginnings of dementia. For her, I saw that there was not getting better. Because of that (and because of our rocky/ caustic relationship), her death did not shake my core or rock my boat. There was a great deal of relief alongside the sadness.
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What beautiful words to a challenging situation. You are amazing!
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Aww. Thanks.
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And… I am sorry for your loss. Years ago I read Motherless Daughters and Motherless Mothers by Hope Edelman… both really helped me.
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Because our relationship was never what society thinks of when they think of mother-daughter relationship, I’ve never mourned what I never had. She was never a safe, unconditionally loving place for me to fall. But I get to be that for my son; and it’s awesome.
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Wow… how we each experience this so differently and divinely! Thank you my teacher! Again, you are an awesome mom! He choice you indeed. Feels like love to me. ❤
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Oh my dear fiend, we could talk for some time! I could suggest a few more posts… only if you have time and feel called to read. https://2020spiritualvision.wordpress.com/2016/04/25/im-alive/
and I have several on the mother wound but published these two: https://2020spiritualvision.wordpress.com/2016/03/15/healing-the-mother-wound/ and
https://2020spiritualvision.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/when-mothers-day-is-a-trigger-not-a-celebration/
I AM so proud of you for doing the work and so is your mother. At times I asked, why me? Clearing lifetimes of female suppression. Well, because we are strong enough to do so. It took me years to get to the energy of home. And yes, they are one in the same. You have opened my heart today. Thank you!!!!!!!!!! Blessed!
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