When Mother’s Day is a trigger… not a celebration.

I think this will be short since I was walking out the door. I then paused. I needed to write this. Mother’s Day is just a few days away and I know someone out there will understand this writing.

I’ve had many Mother’s Day’s. Good and …  I grew up, what I’d later identify as, a Motherless Daughter and yes, my mother is still alive. Years ago, a dear friend leant me her copy of Hope Edelman’s, Motherless Daughters and finally I had some peace in my heart. From reading her words, I felt a comfort and understood. I realized I’d been fighting, myself. There was nothing wrong with me. I was unique. I actually had many strength from being a Motherless Daughter. I then read, Motherless Mothers also by Hope and again, relief. I was doing nothing wrong. I was mothering my children just fine.  Now, I feel I’m not less anything.  My mom did the best she could and it was and is about the lessons.

Trust me, Hallmark doesn’t have a Motherless Daughter category in the card section. Mother’s Day can be an awkward, sad and even a painful day. If your mother has departed too soon, or the relationship is misunderstood/strained, the longing for that love and bond can be overwhelming.

I then thought of my own experiences.  Three years ago, I moved out of the only home I owned for 14 years on Mother’s Day weekend. While I was looking forward to the new beginning, the memories that house held… priceless. So many moments and such happiness created there. I’m grateful for that.  Since then, I’ve hit a few mothering bumps on my journey. When my boys, at an age I thought was too soon, decided to go live with their father, the only word I could say (and trust me it came from my soul and a knowing) was, yes but my heart shattered. Last Mother’s Day, when I dropped them off after our weekend, I came home and crawled up in the fetal position. I had to. I had to embrace the worst heartbreak I’d ever felt in my life (and trust me, I’ve felt a few).  That’s when the healing started.

I look at myself today. I am no longer in a cocoon. I am better, stronger and still very much a mother. I hold no doubt or guilt. I hold love.  Last week I went and picked a simple and sincere Mother’s Day card not only for my mother, but for all the women I know as mothers. I mailed then with peace and gratitude in my heart. Thank God for the “Mothers” of this world.  And now, I’m on my way to pick up my boys and will love them in my own way. I will cherish our time together, the amount of time doesn’t matter.

If you are feeling some discomfort this Mother’s Day, it’s your trigger.  An invitation to embrace, discern and heal. You can do it!  You’ve probably been doing what mother’s do – holding it all together.  It’s okay to let it all fall apart.  For me, I was denying it and the smallest thing will be like that invisible trip line and then you are… busted!  The emotions and feelings will overwhelm you and come pouring out of you.  You are not meant to carry this wound.  You can get to a place of peace, understanding and love. Please, if nothing else, mother yourself this weekend.  Be kind and patient with yourself. Cry if you need. Scream. Reach out.  Be love and feel love. Whether you are missing your mother, grandmother, a mother-like figure or struggling with your own mothering ability… you are an amazing person, women and mother. Know this. Your heart is not shattered, it’s a beautiful mosaic of all of your experiences.  It was not meant to be small and perfect.  It needed to expand and love is the glue that will hold it all together.