Oh where to start. Where has this week gone? This year. What? It’s almost May? Haha. I just came in from outside where it’s dense fog and lightening here. No rain. I can’t say I’ve ever seen this combination. Interesting? Yes! If you follow my blog, I often wrote on fog a year ago. Fog is to be enjoyed yet a sign to go slow and be vigilant. Lightening… power. With five planets in retrograde, wowzers! And today was.
Spirit will raise you up so high you are certain you’ve been given wings. It will also humble your ass right down. I was driving and this Nicki Minaj song came on the radio.
I haven’t heard it in a while and it seemed to pierce me. (I know my brain converts/hears songs differently.) I started sobbing. Yes, this is a rap song so… seriously, why? Honestly in this moment I’d never felt so alive yet I was also in what seemed like deep pain. Usually when one sobs, it’s for a reason. Many have been conditioned that it’s weak to show your emotions. The old me rarely ever cried. Well, a dark night will change that.
In the moment, I felt no need to stop crying. I was feeling everything. I thought of so many good and very challenging moments. I realized that pain is a part of life. It’s a part of being alive. Now in this moment, pain never felt so good. Strange? Yes. I wasn’t afraid of it. I was alive. I could see that we choose pain because want to feel. I now felt like tears were the, best – thing – ever. Blessed are those who do cry. This was a huge moment. More than we realize, we’ll do some crazy things to avoid pain. What if pain is no longer looked at as a bad thing, a deterrent that we feverishly avoid? What if you look at it as an emotion and you know that it won’t last. To feel deeply is to live deeply, regardless of what life throws at you.
Wow – so here recently to know that I’m not afraid of myself (we don’t realize this but we are) nor pain… these are huge steps in the journey.
On my drive home, I thought of my brother. At the age of 26, he was diagnosed with brain cancer. I quickly realized every word, every second, every everything was priceless. When do we forget this? This past week I’ve seen so many future oriented (like 10+ years from now) people and I do get it but what’s the point of trying to reach a goal, etc. if you aren’t happy and at peace, now! I felt the urge to say, f*ck the future, be in the now. Be happy, now. Your inner peace and happiness is PARAMOUNT!
So this seems to be becoming a Nikki tribute. I might be 42 year old white woman, but I have the soul of an 18 year old. The night is still young and so are we. Life is a journey, let’s take our time.
I also thought, at times I can be stubborn/headstrong/Little Ms. Independent. You might be like this, too. Let others help you! Let others in. This includes those here and in many, many dimensions. It was interesting to watch the Moment for Life video. My first Spirit Guide was a Fairy Godmother and years later I burst out laughing when an intuitive friend asked me if I knew she was flying around me (I’d never shared the story with her). The video opens with a fairy godmother scene. And the songs seems to talk about waiting all your life for that moment and then wanting to stretch it out for as long as possible. Well, that moment is, now. You are living your dream. (Spirit broke this down for me earlier this week and I’ll try to write/explain more later. For now I’ll just repeat…) You are living your dream now.
I also want to mention, if you are riding these energy waves, as they recede, all sorts of things can come up. This is normal. The Universe raises your energy and then when it gets calm/quiet, you can then see/feel what needs attending to. At times it’s painful obvious, other times you feel a bit confused (do the best you can) and then eventually you know what needs to be done and your are back out there surfing again.
So, to close out this music jam trio since I’m back to flying, sing it Nicki and Rihanna.